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EMOTIONAL HEALTH
SELF-LEADERSHIP WITH WISE MIND
We aren’t born knowing how to understand and process our emotions. It's a skill we must learn and practice. We learn about math and literature in school, but why don't we learn about emotions? Understanding emotions will change your life. Realize the profound benefits and fulfillment of working with your emotions, instead of trying to numb them, mindlessly react to them, or get overwhelmed by them.
​"When we deny our stories and disengage from tough emotions, they don't go away. instead, they own us, they define us… in other words, the more we try to avoid our emotions, the more control they have over our thoughts and behavior."
Brene Brown, PhD
thoughts versus emotions
WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
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Much of what we say we feel, is really what we think. "I feel you're unfair." "I feel stupid." These are thoughts! Thoughts are word-based beliefs that stem from what we've learned from others and our past. Thoughts are indirect - and not the true essence of who we are.
Thoughts are, of course, incredibly useful! Although, thoughts are more like a map of a town, whereas, emotions are like actually exploring, enjoying and experiencing the town real-time.
emotions are like experiencing a town
thoughts are like a map of a town
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If you want to know how you feel about something, how do you feel about it right now? Emotions are direct links to your authenticity.
Just as hunger motivates you to find food, emotions motivate you to take care of other needs, like safety and social connection that promote survival, reproduction, self-worth, a sense of purpose and belonging. Emotions are ALWAYS 'on' even though subtle at times.
"Healing comes from taking responsibility to realize that it is you - and no one else - that creates your thoughts, feelings and actions.”
Peter Shepherd
"Nobody is responsible for your own sadness except for you. Nobody is responsible for your fear except you. You are the only person responsible for any and all of your emotions... positive, negative, and everything in between."
Chris Cade
wise mind and emotional mind
GAINING SELF LEADERSHIP
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Simply put, Wise Mind is your ability to take 100% responsibility for ALL of your emotions, so you may connect with, OVERSEE and GUIDE your Rational Mind and your Emotional Mind.
This conscious connection allows you to ideally respond to triggers and stressors, rather than mindlessly react. With Wise Mind you can navigate the big stuff in life, heal from hardships, boost self-worth, and create wholehearted connection.
Without Wise Mind, disconnected from emotions, or trying to 'think' your way through them, leaves you susceptible to REACTIVITY, stress-reactions (Fight-Flight-Fawn-Freeze), maladaptive protective strategies.
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Outer Child can react so fast, within 100 milliseconds, that it might seem AUTOMATIC! Wise Mind is essential to allow enough space and time to calm yourself before reactivity occurs.
WITH EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS AND WISE MIND
WITHOUT WISE MIND
Wise Mind IS a dial-up connection compared to the information SUPER highway that links EMOTIONAL MIND with REACTIVITY. HENCE, THE NEED TO REMAIN CONNECTED TO YOUR EMOTIONS (MINDFULNESS) SO YOU MAY CHOOSE MINDFUL RESPONSES RATHER THAN MINDLESS REACTIVITY.
inner child
EMOTIONAL MIND
Our Emotional Mind doesn't go away when we turn 18. Emotional Mind never 'grows-up' or becomes rational. We don't 'grow-out' out of emotions.
Emotions are imperfect, playful, spontaneous, erratic and irrational. We can't expect emotions to be mature or rational, as they don't come from our rational, prefrontal cortex.
outer child
REACTIVITY
Without Wise Mind, over-expressing emotions, reactivity, and other maladaptive ways of handling or trying to avoid our emotions, can run our lives.
Neglecting, self-medicating, or suppressing emotions quickly - or eventually - results in reactivity, irrational behaviors, anxiety disorders, temper tantrums, depression, resentment, blame, shame, stress-reactions, failures, addictions, dysfunctional relating patterns and more.
higher self
WISE MIND
Engage your Wise Mind by observing your thoughts and emotions. This gives you power to understand and process through EVERY emotional experience.
True adulthood, maturity and self-love involves taking 100% responsibility for your thoughts and emotions. For many, this never happens. This is why so many adults don't behave like adults at all.
"For many, it is not an adult self directing their lives, but rather an THE emotional 'inner child' inhabiting an adult body... a hurt, angry, fearful little boy or girl calling the shots."
Stephen Diamond, PhD
inner child
EMOTIONAL MIND
Feelings and Emotions
Present Experience
Feels overwhelmed with too much work
Feels anxious and inferior at a social gathering
Feels angry because date is 20 minutes late
Feels jealous when husband talks to coworker at work event
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Feels unworthy of a promotion even though due for one after years of proven success
outer child
REACTIVITY
Impulsivity and Reactions
Acts out Emotions
Procrastinates, rebels, fails to do any work
Overdrinks and overshares personal information
Scowls angrily and gives silent treatment
Expresses to husband on drive home about feeling jealous and not feeling pretty enough
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Seethes for years and finally sends angry email to boss complaining about not being valued
higher self
WISE MIND
Oversees and Balances
Curious, Self-Compassionate
Creative Solutions
Strategic Planning
During high-stress or triggered states, it's best to not react or communicate (remain out of the Dreaded Drama Triangle). Instead, tell yourself you need time to process. Then, later that day sit with your Emotional Mind and use journal practices like R.A.I.N. to process through the experience. This is also how we discover what we truly need or want, how to plan to respond, set boundaries or take corrective action as needed.
"Hurt feelings don't vanish on their own. They don't heal themselves... they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due."
Marc Brackett, PhD, Permission to Feel
"Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it in an adaptive way, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream."
Tony Fahkry
"We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions."
Brene Brown, PhD
10 reasons for
EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS
Emotions are an essential part of your existence, self-worth and sense of purpose. With Emotional Health Skills you can untangle thoughts from feelings, process even the most painful emotions, rather than depress or over-express them, so you feel cleaner, lighter, empowered and self-connected with Self-Leadership (Wise Mind).
1 SELF-TRUST
Gain trust in yourself to quickly process through even the most excruciating feelings, like shame, regret, rejection and even self-hate. When you are no longer running from your inner world, you gain access to a peaceful, inner bliss, self-trust and joy.
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2 CONNECTION AND LOVE
Emotions create love, appreciation, respect and trust. Humans need to feel seen, heard, trusted and valued (emotional connection) from those we care about. Emotions tell us what we need and want so we can communicate to be loved.
3 HEALTHY RELATING AND BOUNDARIES
When you learn to feel your feelings, speak your truth, and set healthy boundaries, your ability to create healthy relationships unfolds naturally. No more Codependency and Narcissistic-type relating patterns.
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4 SENSE OF SELF AND PURPOSE
Emotions give you real-time information and insight only you have access to. Connect with your emotions, connect with your authentic nature. Depressing your emotions leads to depression, exhausted and lacking purpose.
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5 INFORMATION AND DIRECTION
Every emotion has a purpose. Emotions tell you your likes, dislikes, your values, wants, and limits. Emotions can serve as a compass to navigate life, obstacles and relationships and get direction for creative solutions.
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6 SMOOTHER MOODS AND LESS REACTIVITY
Emotions are ever-flowing like ocean waves. When soft, you may not notice. At MEDIUM (or "mood") you become aware. INTENSE emotions are detectable to others, whether you want them to be or not! Ignoring emotions increases their intensity (anxiety, urges, rage, etc.) and reactive states (outbursts, procrastination, binges, etc.). Processing emotions when they are medium prevents intense emotions and reactivity.
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7 HEAL AND LET GO
Emotions change emotions. Some emotions, like sadness, function to slow you down so you may grieve and heal. Studies show crying improves your mood 88.8% of the time, within minutes. Daily, intentional crying can help lift many types of depression, heal feelings of betrayal, shame, heartbreak, and breakthrough trauma and PTSD.
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8 PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH
Unprocessed emotions result in what psychologists refer to as “emotional constipation" due to months or years of emotional-neglect. Old, unprocessed feelings can cause chronic nervous system activation (chronic stress), insomnia, anxiety disorders, depression, medical conditions like heart disease, digestive and inflammatory disorders and more.
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9 CLEARER THINKING AND JOY
You feel and function better when you're aware of your present emotions, instead of disconnected with old, stuck emotions and limiting beliefs. Process emotions to maintain a 'clean subconscious closet' that feels fresh, light and organized.
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10 MOTIVATION FOR ACTION AND GOALS
Emotions move us (e-MOTION). Emotions ignite Fight/Flight reactions for immediate threats! Emotions activate the nervous system within 100 milliseconds to move at = fight or away from = flight. Emotions also help us accomplish goals, like 'desire' motivates to Fight for want we want. Emotions like 'disgust' drive us to leave (Flight) a toxic job.
"delivering the body from functioning as a storage room for suppressed emotions brings a sense of natural love and ease, a spaciousness, that we commonly call happiness."
Somesh Curti, PhD
"Every emotion is valuable. The trick is to actually feel it and then fully accept it. Judging ourselves for feeling 'less than outstanding' only keeps us locked in those negative states... creating 'stuck-ness'."
Danielle LaPorte, The Desire Map
where emotions are located
HOW WE FEEL EMOTIONS
Multifaceted Nervous System and Physiological Impact
40+ Neurochemicals and Hormones
This image shows where we tend to feel emotions and a few of the neurochemicals involved. Emotions are both the result of, and the cause of, extremely complex neurochemical and hormonal fluctuations. Scientists are learning more every day.
EMOTIONAL PROCESSING
Notice how 'Happy' is a full-body state, where the nervous system is balanced, calm and present. We ALLOW this with Compassion, Gratitude or the Power of Now. Sometimes in order to ALLOW for Happy, we need to 'feel through' (process) our PROTECTIVE EMOTIONS with practices like R.A.I.N. Also, our REAL NEEDS AND WANTS may be hiding under layers of unprocessed, stuck, protective emotions and beliefs.
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PROTECTIVE EMOTIONS
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, PROCESS, POSSIBLY TAKE ACTION FOR
1. Anger, blame, resentment
Purpose: protection, boundaries, values
2. Sad, hurt, disappointment
Purpose: healing, releasing, rejuvenation
3. Fear, worry, jealousy, anxiety
Purpose: future-focus, safety, planning
4. Shame, insecurities, regrets, shoulds​
Purpose: belonging, moral compass
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INTERESTS: REAL NEEDS AND WANTS
FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND, POSSIBLY COMMUNICATE AND TAKE ACTION FOR
5. Interests, needs, wants, desires, values, likes, passions, aspirations, motivations, creativity, excitements
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"When you cry for an extended period of time, your body produces hormones like oxytocin and endorphins. These natural chemicals give your brain that “soothing” and “HEALING” feeling that takes over after you've been crying."
Timothy Legg, PhD
"Emotion is more powerful than reason. Emotion is the driving force behind thinking and reasoning. Emotional Intelligence increases the mind's ability to make positive, brilliant decisions."
Dr Chia
three steps to learning
EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS
​"Emotions have information. when we pay attention to them they give us useable data - which could be a comfort for those of you who might believe that the whole 'feeling thing' is too airy-fairy."
Julia Colwell, PhD
step 1
EMOTIONAL LITERACY
FIVE PRIMARY EMOTIONS
EMOTIONS BLEND LIKE PAINT COLORS
Emotions are multifaceted and blend together (for example, jealousy is a blend of anger, sadness, and fear). There are 5 to 27 primary emotions - that mix like paint colors creating hues of 34,000+ distinguishable feelings.
"Correctly identifying a real emotion takes the brain out of Fight-or-Flight mode and into problem-solving mode, out of tension, anger and confusion and into ease, calm and clarity."
Sam Owen
COMPASSION, CURIOSITY/INTEREST, GRATITUDE
Emotions heal painful emotions. Hundreds of recent studies prove how certain emotions like compassion, curiosity, and gratitude help us process through painful emotions, grieve, let-go, and rejuvenate.
They even have the power to heal PTSD, resolve emotional flashback, intimacy and attachment disorders, backdraft emotions, anxiety, depression.
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EMOTIONAL LITERACY WORKSHEETS
EMOTIONAL HEALTH
CONNECTING WITH DESIRE
EMPOWERING ANGER
SHAME DETOX
WATCH VIDEOS
"anger is actually the most empowering emotion you have. Anger is a message from your body. When you listen to your body's message and act on it in a healthy way, yoU'RE more likely to FEEL SAFE AND HEARD."
Jonice Webb, PhD
step 2
EMOTIONAL PROCESSING
R.A.I.N. PRACTICE
CONSCIOUS EMOTION PRACTICES
RAIN is a four step process to feel, understand and process through even the most painful emotional experiences. CONSCIOUS PRACTICES can also be used as needed to lead a more empowered, self-connected, healthy life.
R.A.I.N. PRACTICE
R.A.I.N. QUICK VERSION
R.A.I.N. WORKSHEET
R.A.I.N. LONG VERSION
CONSCIOUS PROCESSING PRACTICES
CONSCIOUS ANXIETY
CONSCIOUS COMPLAINING
CONSCIOUS ANGERING
SOFT, SOOTH AND ALLOW MEDITATION
Evidence-based practice to work through painful emotions.